Naturally Stolen

I've said before that one of my main reasons for going natural is my daughter. Her natural hair was stolen from her to early.

It was a year ago when I picked her up from her other grandmothers house to find my daughters hair was straight. I asked what had happened. The grandmother told me that she got a perm but "it was a kid perm, doesn't she look pretty". I told her grandmother that "Wasn't anything wrong with her before and she was BEAUTIFUL then!"

I was pissed to say the least. There isn't a word for the level of anger I had that day. Not only did her father relax her hair without my permission, consent or knowledge, he didn't even bother to tell me about it before I picked up my daughter. He wouldn't even answer my phone call that day. He knew what was up.

Back story - He knew that I did not want her hair relaxed. I have told him that she has the rest of her life to ruin her hair. No need to do ruin it earlier than 16. He and I aren't together and he is remarried. I am not a mother that constantly calls, texts, etc. I don't ask you for any money. You're not on child support. and I may see you only once every few months because we do most of our exchanges at school or whatever. Rarely face to face. No particular reason, just how it's been. But, we've talked about this issue regarding her hair.

Well, this particular day when she went to her dad's house, she had her hair in a afro puff. We went swimming earlier and hadn't had a chance to do her hair. He called later that day and wanted to get her the next day. Cool. This was a Friday. Apparently by that Saturday, she had a perm. His wife bished to him and he caved. I didn't pick her up til that following Friday. No one bothered to say anything.

I've always told my daughter that her hair is beautiful. That there was nothing wrong with her hair. But, she saw others (including me) around her with straight hair and she wanted the same. She was happy at first. Her hair was long like she wanted it. But, seeing her hair permed made me realize how FINE her hair really was.

Within a few months. her hair was just enough to put in a ponytail. It was breaking off bad. My best efforts in teaching a 10 year old child on taking care of their hair wasn't working. Taking her to the hair dresser to make sure a professional did her hair didn't help. I haven't used a box perm on her because I don't want to do that. Now her hair is severely damaged.

So, this year, a month before school let out, I put braids in her hair. She was going to be spending the summer in the pool and there was no need for her to have a fresh relaxer and chlorine combo going on. She took the braids out last week (they had been redone since school. don't worry) and I washed and conditioned her hair. But, it doesn't look good. Her natural hair has grown quite a bit but her relaxed hair looks dead and damaged.

I hope that me going natural will show her that she doesn't need a perm in her hair. Hopefully, she'll see that she doesn't have to have straight hair. Hopefully, she'll go back to her natural hair until she's at an age where she can care for her own hair properly.

So..I cut off all my hair

“Mommy, your hair looks JACKED UP” ~ 5 year old son

“I wouldn’t do it, but if you’re happy, I’m happy” ~ 11 year old daughter

“I like it. You look artsy & smarter” ~ Friend

“WOW” ~ Step-Mom

“Did you get a haircut? I like it!” ~ Manager

“Zoinks” ~ Co-Worker

“OMG, Thank God it’s CUUUTTTTEEEEE” ~ Best Friend

“Love it” ~ Friend

“Sexy” ~ Co-Worker

Most others around me (mom & Dad hadn’t even seen it yet) that have seen my hair, hadn’t really said much. Kinda like ‘no biggie’. For me, which is cool!

After I wrote the post about fear controlling my reason for not cutting my hair, it bothered me. I don’t like being scared of something that I can control (not like my fear of palmetto bugs..eeewww). And…it’s just hair! Why have I had a complex all these years about having short hair?? It was the fear of what others would say. How would they look at me, etc. Last night, I didn’t care!

So, with scissors in hand, I took my fear on and just cut my hair. At one point, I even contemplated stopping. I was at the point where I can just pony it up. But, I had to let go of my comfort zone. I wanted to embrace change. I needed too.

After I cut it, I didn’t feel anything. LOL. O.k. wait…I did feel in control. But, I was neither happy nor sad. I was ‘whatever-it’s short now. Now what?’

So coming to work today, I didn’t feel the least bit worried about others reactions. I love how I look regardless of what my hair looks like. I feel I let go of my ‘hair issues’.

My only beef now is, Why didn’t I do this sooner?

Natural Relaxer

(I'm multi-tasking. Watching 'He's Just Not That Into You' and typing a blog...if I go off topic, you know why..lol)

This is me pre-relaxer. I was about 5 or 6. Adorable right?? I had a HEAD FULL of hair. My mother never used a hot comb because she didn't like the amount of heat that came out of it. This from the woman that used to use an iron to straighten my aunt's hair but that's another story.

I had to ask my mother recently when was the first time I got my hair relaxed because I don't honestly remember. She said it didn't happen until I was 12 and she regrets ever doing it. I don't know why she did it exactly, but I think it had something to do with the amount of hair I have. But, I do remember this relaxer she tried on my hair when I was around 16. It was some sort of natural relaxer. I don't know if you can remember this informercial from the 90's about a natural hair relaxer...so natural you can eat.

We tried between relaxers. I didn't get my relaxers every 3 months during that time, so I always seemed to have alot of new growth. So, we (she) ordered this relaxer and get it in the mail. When it arrived, we even tasted it like the commercial said..lol. Don't recal it having a pleasant taste. What I do remember is...breakage and nothing much got straightened.

My hair broke off so much that I had to cut it the shortest it had ever been. Into a bob to my ear lobes. My hair from that point was not good. But, then again, I had no idea at 16 on how to manage my hair. I was never one of those girls who was always into appearance and did my hair. Money was an issue and I was never into getting my hair did! (yes DID! lol).

So, here I am almost 15 years later trying to get back to that original hair. My hair! I'm excited about my transition. I've said before, my new growth doesn't bother me at all. I love the progress and can't wait to let the straight pieces go.

Why I’m going natural…

I decided on a whim to go natural. Partly due to a life change and mostly due to what I was telling my daughter.

My daughter had natural (chemically untreated) hair all her life, until one fateful day when her father decided to relaxer her hair without my permission or knowledge. When I went to pick her up, I was pissed to say the least. It hurt me to my heart to see that her hair was relaxed. She had beautiful curly hair. But, she wanted straight hair to be like the other kids in school and because others (not in my family) were telling her she needed it. I always told her that her hair was beautiful and she doesn’t need a perm. She has the rest of her life to mess up her hair.

Fast forward a year later, her hair is 4 inches shorter than when she got it initially relaxed. Not due to cuts or trims, but due to breakage. I took on the responsibility of getting her hair relaxed ever 8 weeks and I teach her the importance of her hair care. She still gets relaxers because she wants it. But, I still try to encourage natural hair on her whenever I can. This is where my transition comes into play.

I figure, I can’t teach my daughter why she should love her natural hair if I’m still getting relaxers. So, my last relaxer was February 2009 and hopefully, it’ll be my last one for a long time.

This is my journey to learn & love MY hair… because it doesn’t define me, it’s just a part of me.