August 7, 2009

Naturally Stolen

I've said before that one of my main reasons for going natural is my daughter. Her natural hair was stolen from her to early.

It was a year ago when I picked her up from her other grandmothers house to find my daughters hair was straight. I asked what had happened. The grandmother told me that she got a perm but "it was a kid perm, doesn't she look pretty". I told her grandmother that "Wasn't anything wrong with her before and she was BEAUTIFUL then!"

I was pissed to say the least. There isn't a word for the level of anger I had that day. Not only did her father relax her hair without my permission, consent or knowledge, he didn't even bother to tell me about it before I picked up my daughter. He wouldn't even answer my phone call that day. He knew what was up.

Back story - He knew that I did not want her hair relaxed. I have told him that she has the rest of her life to ruin her hair. No need to do ruin it earlier than 16. He and I aren't together and he is remarried. I am not a mother that constantly calls, texts, etc. I don't ask you for any money. You're not on child support. and I may see you only once every few months because we do most of our exchanges at school or whatever. Rarely face to face. No particular reason, just how it's been. But, we've talked about this issue regarding her hair.

Well, this particular day when she went to her dad's house, she had her hair in a afro puff. We went swimming earlier and hadn't had a chance to do her hair. He called later that day and wanted to get her the next day. Cool. This was a Friday. Apparently by that Saturday, she had a perm. His wife bished to him and he caved. I didn't pick her up til that following Friday. No one bothered to say anything.

I've always told my daughter that her hair is beautiful. That there was nothing wrong with her hair. But, she saw others (including me) around her with straight hair and she wanted the same. She was happy at first. Her hair was long like she wanted it. But, seeing her hair permed made me realize how FINE her hair really was.

Within a few months. her hair was just enough to put in a ponytail. It was breaking off bad. My best efforts in teaching a 10 year old child on taking care of their hair wasn't working. Taking her to the hair dresser to make sure a professional did her hair didn't help. I haven't used a box perm on her because I don't want to do that. Now her hair is severely damaged.

So, this year, a month before school let out, I put braids in her hair. She was going to be spending the summer in the pool and there was no need for her to have a fresh relaxer and chlorine combo going on. She took the braids out last week (they had been redone since school. don't worry) and I washed and conditioned her hair. But, it doesn't look good. Her natural hair has grown quite a bit but her relaxed hair looks dead and damaged.

I hope that me going natural will show her that she doesn't need a perm in her hair. Hopefully, she'll see that she doesn't have to have straight hair. Hopefully, she'll go back to her natural hair until she's at an age where she can care for her own hair properly.


Mavis said...

I'm sure your journey will be an inspiration to her. I still can't get over that they put a perm in her hair without telling you.

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